Making the decision to become a surrogate is extremely rewarding in itself. Having the opportunity to help another family experience the joy of children, especially when they thought they’d never be able to, is beyond selfless of surrogates. As a surrogate matching with prospective intended parents, there are a lot of things for you to consider. While a surrogacy agency can help to alleviate some of the stress associated with the process, there are still some key points important for you to keep in mind. 

If you are a surrogate deciding whether or not the intended parents are a good match, there are many things to look out for. Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado is here to outline some of the key examples of gestational surrogacy red flags for surrogates.

Red Flags for Surrogate

A fitting match between surrogates and intended parents makes the gestational surrogacy process even more rewarding than it already is. However, a poor match can complicate the matters and make the experience less enjoyable for both parties. When considering matching with intended parents, here are some red flags to keep an eye out for:  

Red Flag #1: You don’t feel comfortable

As a surrogate, you will inevitably be sharing some very vulnerable moments with the intended parents. Some intended parents may want to check in frequently throughout the pregnancy, come along to prenatal visits, and even attend the delivery of the baby. Because you will be spending so much time with the intended parents, and possibly in intimate settings, it’s important to make sure that you feel comfortable with the intended parents in question. 

Listen to your gut. If the intended parents do not seem like a good fit for you right away, chances are it may not get better with time. Therefore, one of the largest red flags that are associated with gestational surrogacy is not feeling comfortable with the intended parents. If you do feel this way, it’s valuable to consider seeking a different match or even reaching out to a surrogacy agency. 

Red Flag #2: The intended parents are probing or invasive

Many intended parents are extremely eager about the gestational surrogacy process and can’t wait to learn more! While getting to know the intended parents, having many conversations with them about expectations, agreements, and more is normal. However, it’s not normal for the intended parents to be too probing about aspects of your life that you aren’t obligated to share. 

Early on in deciding if the match is a good fit for you, it’s important to set boundaries with the intended parents about things to be discussed privately, or in the surrogacy contract. If the intended parents continue to probe past these boundaries, and it makes you feel uncomfortable, this is a red flag. Some surrogates are more open about their lives than others, so for intended parents who feel too invasive, a different surrogate can likely help meet their needs instead.  

Red Flag #3: The intended parents aren’t willing to discuss the surrogacy contract

A surrogacy contract is a very important document that helps to mediate the entire gestational surrogacy process. Navigating a surrogacy contract protects both you and the intended parents from any unintended consequences. However, if you encounter intended parents who refuse to discuss the surrogacy contract, or continue to “put it off” for later, this is a large red flag. Because a surrogacy match is a serious and long-term commitment, intended parents who are willing to set boundaries and sort out the details of the surrogacy contract will likely be more cooperative throughout the process. This can also help relieve some of your stresses as a surrogate by knowing the intended parents are cooperative.  

Red Flag #4: You just know that something is off

Sometimes, when you meet new people, you can just tell that something is off. Whether it’s a lack of connection to the intended parents, awkward dynamics when communicating, or just a general gut feeling that these are not the parents you should be working with, this feeling can be quite unsettling. 

If you experience this, it’s likely that they may feel the same way! This is not something to feel bad about either. Some people just don’t click well with others. It’s worth it to trust your gut and have a discussion with the surrogacy agency and see if a new match could be made. 

Interested in Becoming a Gestational Surrogate? 

If you are a woman who is interested in becoming a gestational surrogate, or are a gestational surrogate looking to be matched with intended parents, please reach out to us at Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado. We have resources to support both gestational surrogates and intended parents and are here to help ensure a smooth surrogacy process along the way. 

If you are interested in surrogacy and want to learn more about your options, contact Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.